This Ain't No Harlequin Style Romance Pudd'in
by DC Damsel and Madame Marvel
Summary: When Harley finds a confused man wondering around her newly acquired apartment building with no recollection of who he is other than a torn card that reads 'Walter Joseph Ko-', she takes him in, gives him a new identity and they begin to build a friendship-Unfortunately, Walter's bad dreams may just destroy everything they've been building... **Starts out relatively fast paced.**


Walter Kochek was your run-of-the-mill average guy. He had a regular nine to five job for a marketing firm in Gotham. At 35, he was happy with his life-or, you know, the parts he remembered.

An early morning alarm blared through the spacious penthouse apartment in the middle of Gotham. Walter's hand flew over the side of the bed and slapped the 'OFF' button before he __sat up in his bed to begin getting ready for work at the office that morning. He scrambled out of bed and into the cramped bathroom as he began throwing on his uniform, only slowing to brush his teeth and crop of orange hair. Walter smiled at his reflection before throwing open the door and moving to the 'common' area of the apartment he shared with his roommate, Harleen Quinzel, who was making breakfast. He smiled at her before filling a thermos full of piping hot coffee and leaving the apartment. He strolled casually down the streets of Gotham until he reached the marketing firm he worked for trudged into the office building toward the elevator, climbing into the elevator he quickly pressed the '7' button to get to his floor. The silver doors opened as he reached his destination, and he continued his trek onward until he found his small cubicle. He sighed deeply before sitting down and beginning his work for the day. He ran a few simple illustrations by several clients to find what they were looking for and even refining their somewhat scattered ideas. By ten, He had finished a conference call with the Morello account, and had a few moments of silent victory as he received a confirmation email stating that they would like for him to manage their account personally. After receiving strange looks from his co-workers for dancing in his chair, he got back to work. After a few hours of working, Walter finally pushed his papers aside and stopped to take in a sip of his now cold coffee. As he glanced around the office he noticed most people were hard at work. Only one of his co-workers seemed off task. Joe was staring directly at him. Walter swallowed hard and looked away first trying to get back on task. Joe was his only co-worker who 'rubbed him the wrong way' as the saying went. It seemed that Joe had an immediate and strong dislike for Walter even though he had never met him before a few months ago. He shook his head clearing his mind of those thoughts and instead chose to look back down his computer to continue work. A few of his friends stopped by his cubicle to ask if he'd heard any more news about this new possible merger with Veidt Industries. He hadn't of course, but he had been worried about it. It meant he could possibly lose his job. It made sense he'd be the first person to cut from the transition, after all, he had only been working at the firm for 3 months, but he seemed to have the most luck with handling problem clients. Walter was grateful for the fact he was a fantastic people person. He effortlessly finished the few reports he needed and was about to call Harleen when his co-worker, Camilla Alson beckoned him toward the break room. Her pretty black hair cascaded over her shoulders in smooth and gentle waves. Camilla's pretty light green eyes sparkled as he smiled at her.

"Did you need something?" Walter asked a bit too eagerly. Camilla laughed jovially. Her expression was gorgeous and Walter felt a little weak at the knees. Camilla was the prettiest girl at the office and she was paying attention to him. He felt honored despite himself. Camilla pushed her hair off her shoulders revealing a low cut sweater that clung to her body just right. Walter squeaked in appreciation at the incarnate of aphrodite in front of him.

"Maybe in a couple minutes when we clock out we could go get some drinks? I'd love to get to know you a bit more...intimately." Camilla purred cleaning her coffee mug and placing it in the dish drainer by the sink. Walter nodded and tried to play things cool.

"Sounds great. I'll meet you at McGhintey's pub across the street?"

Camilla grinned.

"I could hold the elevator for you…"

Walter laughed nervously.

"Even better." He agreed nervously. Something felt off, but he couldn't figure out what. After a second he cringed. Joe had been staring at the two of them the whole time. With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Walter hurried to catch up with Camilla. As the elevator closed, Walter could have sworn he saw Joe glare at him and mouth the words 'You're a dead man.' Walter and Camilla left the office, joking and laughing about their co-worker, Sandy Lebowisk and her too chipper morning candor. Both agreed they couldn't stand it. The pair crossed the street to McGhintey's Pub which was conveniently located across from the office. Walter cringed knowing he didn't really have any interest in places like this. They always made him feel like he was tougher than he really was and he felt he'd get into trouble. Although, given the present situation and company, wouldn't argue about being here this evening. Being the upstanding and traditional man that he was, he opened the door for his date and both strolled inside to escape the drizzle that had started outside. Almost without hesitation, Camilla headed straight towards the bar. Walter hung back for a moment unsure what to do. He quickly followed suit when Camilla beckoned him over. She had already ordered them a couple of drinks. Walter sipped his bourbon and tried to keep his stomach from expelling the bitter alcohol. They joked and talked about all the things they had in common. After the fifth glass was poured, Walter vaguely noticed that no matter how much he drank, his glass kept refilling, almost like magic.

"Walter," Camilla purred angling herself closer to his side, "Didn't you say you had a roommate? What's she like?"

The question caught Walter off guard and his jaw went slack for a moment.

"You mean H-Harley? She's a nice woman, I think she works in Arkham Asylum. She's a psychiatrist there." He slurred drunkenly. He didn't notice that Camilla's line of questioning was turning into an interrogation as Camilla kept asking questions. Walter answered them as best he could. He didn't know how long they were there for, or, even how many drinks he had consumed during the evening. Walter did know that he felt sick, however. His jaw dropped when Camilla fixed the green eyes on his, smiled a seductive smile, and asked huskily: "Maybe we can go somewhere and be alone, maybe get to know one another much more personally?"

Walter's brow furrowed, he couldn't quite fit the innuendo together at the moment.

"What? Why, what's wrong with hanging out here?"

Camilla rolled her eyes and placed a hand on his upper thigh gently.

"Walter, I'm asking if you would like to go somewhere more private and have sex."

Walter stared at her through his drunken haze before wrapping an arm around her shoulders and slurring,"M'kay, sounds good. Let's go to my place..."

Camilla smirked as she led them down the street toward his apartment complex. It never occurred to Walter that this strange woman whom he had only just met knew how to get to his building. In all honesty, the walk back to his home was a blur for Walter. It seemed that only a brief amount of time had passed before they were stumbling into his apartment,attached at the lips, and tumbling toward the couch. Walter and Camilla fumbled as clothing had begun to peel away from hot bodies. Deep down in his heart, Walter felt slightly uncomfortable with how the evening had progressed, he just wished he knew why.

Harleen Quinzel rounded the nurses station and reached for her purse. She stared anxiously at the clock. She hated having to go home so late. It was already 11 o'clock at night and it would take Harleen an hour and a half to get back home. She bit her lip and threw her time card back into its slot after clocking out. Upon reaching her motorcycle parked outside, she hopped on and gunned it for Coney Island. All she wanted was to strip her skin of all the flesh toned makeup she had so carefully sponged on earlier in the day before work. A little after midnight the motorcycle hummed into its snug parking spot and Harleen stumbled inside, and in so doing, bumped directly into Tony. The small statured, burlesque announcer, stared up at Harleen with tired brown eyes. His greasy brown hair hung in his face obstructing the full force of his irritated expression.

"Landlady, what the hell are ya doing in your apartment that makes so much goddamned noise?! It's past midnight and-" Tony's voice trailed off as Harleen stared at him in bewilderment.

"I just got home, I dunno. I'll make sure Walter keeps it down-it's probably the tv again. Sorry." Harleen edged up the stairs wearily as she made her way to her own lodgings. She was perplexed to see Bernie outside the apartment door. He was mumbling to himself and she could visibly tell he was disturbed. She rushed to him.

"Bernie! Whatsa matta with ya?!" Harley cradled the taxidermied beaver in her arms and rocked him.

"I seen things tonight, kiddo. These dead eyes saw things, things ain't no beaver meant to see…"

Harley heard bangs and other such noise coming from the closed apartment door. She rushed forward and threw it wide open.

Walter had passed out shortly after tumbling onto the couch, leaving Camilla to tend to her own desires. Not that she particularly enjoyed or went for Walter's type, but since she hadn't been satisfied in a very long time, she settled for what was available to her now. Camilla had just straddled her partner when the door crashed open.

"WALLY?!" Harleen squealed. When the comatose man made no move to respond, Harleen stepped forward with more malice. Camilla looked both annoyed and surprised.

"I guess you're Harleen?" She said flatly. Harley didn't advance further.

"Pull Wally's pants up, and leave." Harleen glared at the woman who was straddling her friend Walter.

"Who the hell do ya think you are?!" Harleen screamed angrily. Her loud plaintive protests roused the rest of the household. Tony tapped Harley on the hip and pushed by her into the apartment. He stormed over to where Camilla presently stood near the couch. It was Tony and Queenie that ripped Camilla off of Walter, as Harleen led her out by the hair. She ripped open the door and threw Camilla roughly into the hallway.

"Get outta here and dontcha come back! I mean it!" She said angrily as she slammed the door behind her. She turned around in enough time to see Queenie push her roommate onto his side. A large amount of vomit spilled forth as she did so. Tony, Queenie, and Harley all gagged in disgust. Harley rushed over to him to check his other vital signs.

"He's still breathing, Landlady." Tony said quickly as he looked for something to clean the floor up with.

"Might have a case of alcohol poisoning though…Might need to take him to the hospital." Tony added.

Harley nodded half heartedly, at that moment, her sole focus was on making sure that Walter was taken care of.

"Uh, Tony…" Harley said as the couple began to leave her apartment. She turned to them blushing.

"Could you maybe put his...?" She looked away, and Tony grimaced.

"Ugh...I hope he knows, he owes me big time for this. It ain't right-one man putting another's…Done. Can I go?" Tony asked again. He didn't wait for an answer before he strolled out mumbling about washing his hands in bleach.

Walter grumbled a bit and Harley sighed.

"What the hell happened to ya, Wally?" Harley asked softly.

Walter grumbled, but didn't open his eyes. Harley dragged his body away from the vomit and began to clean it up herself. In the morning, she'd have to file a police report for the assault and talk to her roommate about his visitors. She sighed looking at the time on the clock.

2 0'clock.

"Dammit." She grumbled as she moved Bernie away from the washer so she could load the putrid towels without fearing he'd get filthy too.

"He's gonna be the death of ya…" Bernie chided.

Harley rolled her eyes.

"He keeps things interesting though, huh?"

"Sweetcheeks, why'd ya take him in ta begin with? I mean, he was just wander'in the street outside…" Bernie started.

Harley nodded.

"He looked scared and lost, and he don't remember noth'in either! All I found was an ID card that was ripped a little bit. All I could read was 'Walter Joseph Ko-'. So, I took him in and gave him a name myself. Tony's friend got him a job, and he's been here ever since." She finished hurriedly.

"Whatever ya say." Bernie groaned before going silent.

With Walter situated and Bernie not speaking, Harley decided to get ready to rest herself.

After a couple hours in a bubble bath, all the make-up had come away completely and Harley could relax in nice warm pajamas. She turned the lights out around the apartment one-by-one, kissed both Bernie and Walter on the head as a 'goodnight' tiding, and stumbled into her own room. Thank God it was Friday.

-Meanwhile-

Outside on the fire escape under the window of the apartment complex, Pamela Isley sat scheming. She could tell Harley had been upset by the events and was about to surprise her old pal when she realized what had happened. Pamela knew she hadn't exactly turned soft at the heart, but seeing what that woman had done proved she had been in the wrong. Ivy folded her arms across her chest with a sigh. She hadn't liked this Walter guy since Harley took him in. It was all a bit too odd even for Ivy's taste. In all honesty, Ivy had felt a bit stung when Harley had included Walter into their little hang out sessions.. However, she also knew how much Harley's new guest meant to her and so, Ivy devised a plan as she sat on the fire escape.

If she was right, she knew that Harley had wanted to dispose of the over-sexed vixen the moment she had laid eyes on her. Ivy smiled to herself after polishing the idea up in her mind.

She glanced thoughtfully through the window at the man passed out on the couch.

"Never say I didn't do anything nice for you…" She mumbled as she stole off into the muggy night.


End file.
